


100 Years

by xiunkissed2018



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, F/M, Getting Back Together, Implied/Referenced Sex, Injury Recovery, M/M, Post-Break Up, Pregnancy, Slice of Life
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:22:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27951500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiunkissed2018/pseuds/xiunkissed2018
Summary: Dahil para kay Baekhyun at Chanyeol, ang bawa’t hangganan ay panibagong simula, at bawa’t hakbang palayo ay pagbalik sa umpisa.Para sa dalawa, ang bawa’t daan ay iisa lang ang tugon: pabalik sa isa’t-isa.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Park Chanyeol/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by Five for Fighting’s 100 years, hence the title.
> 
> If you’re not familiar with the song, please listen to it before proceeding to better understand the story flow.
> 
> Here’s the link:
> 
> https://youtu.be/tR-qQcNT_fY
> 
> Additional:
> 
> This fic is like 70% english.
> 
> Not beta-read.

**2007**  
  


_ I'm fifteen for a moment _

_ Caught in between ten and twenty _

_ And I'm just dreaming _

_ Counting the ways to where you are _

“Happy birthday dear Baekhyunnie! Now, why don’t my baby blow his candles and make a wish?”

“Mom,” the petite teenager groans, a palm rubbing his face up to sneakily hide his reddened cheeks. “I’m fifteen, not five!” He angry-whispers, although it didn’t do much to keep the complaint from reaching the ears of his other guests who are seated at a close proximity.

The celebrant’s mother just shrugs and waves her manicured hand dismissively. “Five, fifteen, or fifty, you’ll always be my baby.”

The visitors who are all close family members coo at that, and as much as Baekhyun wanted to argue, he doesn’t want to be disrespectful, and more importantly, the earlier the luncheon is finished the earlier he could take his ridiculous party hat off.

The lunch went by with a blur for the newly-turned fifteen year old. It was an hour—or was that two—of the usual catching up between relatives where being an average ninth grader, the spotlight was only shone on him for a brief moment before it was shifted to his older cousins with far more interesting tales worth for a table discourse. 

Baekhyun didn’t mind. He wasn’t particularly close to anyone, and he prefers to blend in the crowd instead of standing out. It was maybe because of his upbringing where it has always been just him, his older brother Baekbeom, and their mother who happens to be just the right kind of motivator—never pressuring him into overachieving things just so she can be proud of her sons. As long as they are happy and healthy, she is, too.

And Baekhyun couldn’t ask for more.

It was when all the guests have left, the table was cleared, and the dishes were cleaned that her mother asked to have a private talk with him.

Technically, all their discussions are private considering there’s only two of them in their home now that Baekbeom’s away for college, but her mother explicitly stating that it would be one made Baekhyun curious as he is nervous.

“Mom if it is about that retreat you don’t want me to join then it’s okay. I understand your reasons.”

Mrs. Byun stares at his son for a split second with a confused expression. “Your retreat’s already cancelled. Besides, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. Come, sit with me.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun sheepishly rubs his nape and takes a seat besides his mother.

“I figured it’s about time we have the mother and son talk.” Mrs. Byun grins and Baekhyun could only roll his eyes with an exasperated sigh. 

“Mom,” he whines. “You scared me! I thought I did something wrong. And shouldn’t that be for, I don’t know, my 18th birthday or something? Isn’t it too early to do this now?”

Baekhyun knew about “the talk” which is a tradition his mother spontaneously came up with on Baekbom’s 18th birthday celebration where she seemingly oriented his oldest son on matters of adulthood which after, as if a lightbulb was figuratively switched on, she intended to do for Baekhyun when it’s his turn. Baekbom didn’t elaborate on the details of their talk, but Baekhyun can only assume it’s pedantic and uncalled for.

“I know you’re thinking this isn’t necessary for now,” Mrs. Byun’s voice is soft and Baekhyun hates how his mother can read him like an open book. “But kids nowadays grow up way too fast, and before I know, you’d be closing off yourself from me to grow up on your own. I would love that for you, because I wouldn’t want to be the kind of mother who micromanages her sons. I’ll be happy to see you discovering and finding things on your own.”

“Life is the greatest teacher more than anyone. But while I can’t be certain that my advices will work for you as they did for me, it wouldn’t hurt to give you a couple of heads-up on matters that you would inevitably encounter, especially now that you are entering High School soon. But of course, I wouldn’t be dropping all the advices I deem helpful to you in one sitting.” 

Baekhyun’s ears perk up at that. As much as he feels bad that he’s already dreading the next hour or so of lectures from his mother, he wasn’t really looking forward to it. He’s thankful that his mother doesn’t seem to be planning for a long, extensive talk.

“Contrary to what your brother probably told you or made it look like, I’m not here to bore you with lectures about the dangers of high school parties or unprotected sex. We’ll get to that, eventually, and expect to have your ears talked off regarding those matters in the near future, but the whole point of this for now is just to ask you one thing.”

“And that is?” Baekhyun asks in a small voice, unsure.

“How are you?”

Baekhyun’s brows furrow at the question, disbelief evident in the way he gauges his mother’s reaction for any sign of humor. “Wait, mom? You serious?”

“I am.” His mother confirms with a curt nod.

“Well, I’m okay?”

“Is that a question or a statement?” The older prods.

“Mom naman.”

“Ayan, natututo ka’ng gumamit ng native language kapag pressured. Did my question catch you off guard?”

Baekhyun snorts at his mother’s teasing. “Well you working in the US embassy made our communication 90% in english, mom. You can’t blame me. And yes, I didn’t expect that.”

Mrs. Byun hums. “You see, being asked how you are is almost as beautiful as being told that you are loved. But just like the latter, this question is often asked as an empty rhetoric instead of a genuine desire to know one’s well-being that so often as well, it loses its meaning.”

“I know I said I wouldn’t bore you with speeches, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be teaching you lessons today. And this is your first: to not overuse the question ‘how are you’ like you shouldn’t with ‘I love you’. These are both powerful and can either make or break a person’s heart. The only way to utter them is genuinely.” 

“And in return, do not disparage the way you respond when someone asks you how you are. I know one can easily answer ‘I’m fine’ and while there are instances where you should keep your responses clipped, do not make it a hobby, especially when the question is coming from the people who you know truly care about you. You have no idea how being open about your emotions help your mental health as much as it strengthens your bond with those you love.”

“And also, this question doesn’t always have to be from someone else. More than the others, it is you who should regularly check on yourself, too. Do you know why a lot of adults and even teenagers like yourself get easily burned out? Mostly it’s because they refuse communication both with people and themselves. And sometimes, as ridiculous as it sounds, a simple ‘how are you’ or ‘how am I’ combined with an earnest answer could’ve solved that.”

“Because sometimes we simply exist without knowing what we want or where we’re headed that when asked how we are, it shakes us to our core. It forces us to analyze our situation and confront our demons. It is only after realizing whether we’re happy, sad, contented, or angry, or whatever complex emotions we‘re going through that we can figure out where to go next.”

“Don’t get me wrong, anak,” Mrs. Byun continues. “Almost everything is a case to case basis, and I’m not saying that being open about your feelings is a panacea that could solve all your life problems. But believe me when I say it’s a good practice that yields good outcomes.“

“I want you to grow up knowing that checking up on people you love and letting them know in return how you are is just as important as verbally expressing your love for them. That goes for yourself, too—asking yourself how you are is self-love. And either way, you have to be honest. Do you get me, Baekhyun?”

The said boy can only nod, speechless and warmth engulfing his whole body. He knows he loves his mother from the bottom of his heart, but it is at times like this when he’s reminded of the many reasons why.

“Thank you, mom. I’ll always keep that in mind.” He sniffs and reaches for his mother. He can’t remember the last time they shared an embrace as although verbally affectionate, his mother wasn’t particularly the cuddly type. She prefers quick cheek kisses or hair ruffles over hugs.

“Don’t thank me, anak. Thank your father, he taught me all that.” Mrs. Byun remarks, tone lighter in an obvious attempt to dispel the solemn atmosphere.

Baekhyun smiles at the mention of his father. “I’m sure he’s watching us now. So dad, thank you.” He glances up towards the sky although all he could see was the beige color of their kitchen ceiling. 

“Do you think I’ll find mine too?” He asks after a few beats of comfortable silence.

“Find what?” His mother breaks the hug to look at him.

“A partner, a better half, a soulmate. Just like dad was—is—to you.” Baekhyun replies.

“Time can only tell. But life is a journey, and if you’re among the fortunate ones who have half of their soul roaming the earth the same lifetime as they do, then every step you take will lead you closer to yours.”

“Someone out there is also counting the steps to where you are, anak. And somewhere in the middle, you’ll bump into each other.”


	2. Chapter 2

** 2014 **

_ I'm twenty-two for a moment _

_ And she feels better than ever _

_ And we're on fire _

_ Making our way back from Mars _

“That was—“

“Amazing.” A deep voice supplies, the richness of its timbre resonating through the dimly-lit room. If only Baekhyun wasn’t spent from the hours of their strenuous physical activities he could’ve shivered from the way the man spoke—but he can’t even feel his lower body right now as he lies on his back on their standard bed: naked, sweaty, and out of breath.

“When was it ever not?” A heartbeat was all it takes before he was pulled towards a naked chest glazed with a light sheen of perspiration.

If Baekhyun could be honest, the feeling of their moistened skin rubbing against each other wasn’t too pleasant, but it was a familiar feeling he’s grown accustomed to from the countless nights they’ve spent together with their limbs tangled as they go down from their high. And as much as he knows the other wouldn’t budge, he would always still try to shake them out of their post-orgasmic bliss in favor of hygiene.

“Yeol,” he mumbles. “Let’s clean up first.”

“Hindi na ‘daddy’?

Baekhyun groans at the teasing but all he was rewarded with was the soft rumbling beneath his cheek indicating the other’s soundless chuckle. He wanted to protest, but as the hold around him tightens, he knows there’s no winning against the stubborn giant.

“I love you, Baekhyun. So much.” He hears the faint whisper before silence engulfs and warms the whole space, and inevitably his heart.

Baekhyun met Park Chanyeol on a sunny morning in the summer of 2011, right before the classes in his chosen university started. In hindsight, he realized how that day had been a turning point—an epoch which marked the end of a chapter and the opening of another, and Chanyeol was the embodiment of both the sun and new beginnings.

With his curly flaxen-colored hair, orbs the darkest shade of brown that turn caramel with the right lighting, and a set of perfect white teeth that peak between soft pink lips, Chanyeol was sunshine personified. 

When Baekhyun’s mother told him years ago that he’ll soon bump into his destined partner, he never imagined it to happen literally.

Their first meeting was a cliche. An alarm that didn’t set off (it did, actually, but he just slept through it), afreshmen orientation too early in the morning (in his standards, at least), and Baekhyun carelessly speeding towards the auditorium were all what led to their fateful encounter.

He can still vividly recall how the force of their collision knocked both off their balance. His unzipped backpack that was loosely hanging from his left shoulder had its contents spilled on the floor. Before he can apologize and scramble to pick up his mess, the other person beat him to it.

“ _You must be a freshman_.”

_ The baritone voice startled the already anxious Baekhyun, more so when he looked up to stare at a face that couldn’t possibly match with that vocal depth. He was flustered, both from his clumsiness and the other’s blinding smile, but despite his heart’s erratic beating he thankfully was able to nod and croak out a timid apology. _

“ _No worries. That makes the two of us!” The tall stranger chuckled. “You look like you’re in a hurry. Don’t be, they delayed the start of the program. Technical issues.”_

_ Baekhyun’s not sure if it was because of the bright aura that surrounds the kind stranger or the message he just delivered that he immediately felt his tensed muscles relax. _

“ _That’s great,” he sighed in relief. “Didn’t wanna miss anything since you know, I’m not from around here and I don’t know anyone yet.”_

“ _Same here!” the other enthusiastically answered as he handed Baekhyun the papers and pens that fell out from his bag. “I’m Chanyeol, by the way. And you can consider me your first friend.”_

“ _I’m Baekhyun,” he shyly reached out to grab his belongings, their hands brushing in the process and he can swear he felt a jolt of electricity in that contact. “Nice to meet you, Chanyeol.”_

What started as friendly meet-ups for coffees after class soon spiraled to full-course dinners and weekend trips outside the city. It was close on the sixth month of their subtle flirting and apparent mutual pining that Chanyeol decided to put an end to both their miseries by popping the question that although Baekhyun already expected, still nevertheless surprised him.

“ _Will you be my boyfriend?”_  


_ It was another cliche. They were having an early dinner in an almost empty casual dining as both couldn’t afford a more expensive restaurant with their limited allowance to celebrate the end of their prelims when all the lights dimmed and in the split second that Baekhyun threw a glance over the counter to hopefully see what‘s going on, Chanyeol was able to move from his seat to the side of their table to get down on his knee. _

“ _Will you be my boyfriend?” He blurted with a smile, his nervousness showing through the way he shakily holds the bouquet of fresh roses he safely stored earlier on the table’s foothold—tucked beneath the pristine white tablecloth for later use._

“ _Baekhyun,” Chanyeol pressed on. “You’ve been a constant in my life for almost half a year now, and while that may not be much yet for most, believe me when I say it feels like I’ve known you my whole life.”_

“ _This is all new to me,” he further confessed, and Baekhyun knew he was pertaining to the fact it was the first time Chanyeol actually dared to pursue a relationship with the same sex. Unlike Baekhyun who right from adolescence knew that he only swings a certain way, Chanyeol didn’t. He spent the majority of his teenage years dating girls and while he’s always harbored attraction to males albeit mildly, it was only when Baekhyun came around that he fully acknowledged his sexuality._

“ _But I wanna do this with you. There is not an ounce of exaggeration when I say you are the most beautiful person I know and that I’ve never felt as strongly for anyone as I do for you.”_

“ _We’re both young and there’s still a long way to go, but I wanna grow together with you. Baekhyun, will you be mine?”_

His answer that day had been obvious with the way he’s sprawled on top of Chanyeol in the present whose soft snores fill his ears together with the mechanical hum of their air conditioner. Instead of finding it annoying, all he can feel is a strong sense of fondness for the guy he’s been dating for almost three years now.

They moved in together after their first anniversary and things have been going well—a little too well maybe that it scares Baekhyun sometimes how their relationship just seems to be almost perfect. He didn’t have high expectations initially since both of them are first-timers—Chanyeol in dating a man, and him in seriously committing that he already prepared himself in case things go sideways. But the moment they’ve made things official, they smoothly fell into a healthy dynamic where complementing each other was just so easy, as if their rough edges were tailor-made to connect and create a seamless whole.

A great philosopher once implied through one of her countless great works that the 22nd year is among, if not the best year of a person’s life, and as Baekhyun shifts to stare at Chanyeol’s serene features while the latter is deep in slumber, he thinks that despite the grueling research works and sleepless nights brought about by inconsiderate professors and peer pressures, he would have to agree.

It is the best, because he’s got Park Chanyeol right by his side.


	3. Chapter 3

** 2025 **

_ I'm thirty-three for a moment _

_ Still the man, but you see I'm a "they" _

_ A kid on the way, babe _

_ A family on my mind _

_ “ For fate is but a secular term for the will of God.“ _

_ You are cordially invited to the union of Park Chanyeol and Kim Miyoung _

_ December 18, 2025 _

_ St. Anthony Cathedral _

Baekhyun takes another sip of his red wine and decided he would need something stronger—and preferably a company.

He fishes for his phone and dials the only person he knows would join him despite it being close to 12 midnight already.

“Hello, Baek? Are you okay?” He can hear the tiredness in his friend’s voice and he’s sure he’ll feel guilty the next morning for bothering a person who barely gets enough rest, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Sorry, Dae. Pwede ka ba ngayon? I just really need someone right now.”

“I’ll be there in five.”

Sure enough, the front door soon burst open a few minutes past twelve and inside walks Jongdae, Baekhyun’s best friend for a little over a decade now. They met in the university during their sophomore year having taken the same bachelor’s program, and their friendship extended past graduation and has grown stronger even after they’ve settled in their individual careers.

Jongdae practices as a lawyer and happens to live in the same condominium, although in a lower floor, hence he was able to rush to Baekhyun’s unit as soon as he called.

“Baek,” he eyes his best friend who was sitting on his expensive leather couch, disheveled and motionless, and a piece of fancy paper lying on his lap. His penthouse wasn’t in a mess. On the contrary, it was neat—way too neat. The walls are bare when there used to be paintings and picture frames hanging, the discoloration and still visible holes from where they were hung an indication they’ve only been removed not too long ago. The floor and furnitures were squeaky clean, signifying that Baekhyun rarely spends his time inside his bachelor’s pad.

The only section that was at least vivid with colors, a corner that seems inconspicuously lively compared to the rest of the bland flat were the shelves lined with plaques, trophies, and certificates that Baekhyun accumulated from his innumerable achievements in the ten years he’s been active as a singer-songwriter.

Jongdae’s heart aches for him.

“So you’ve finally seen the invitation,” He carefully starts and slowly moves to sit besides Baekhyun. “I’ve received mine last week but I didn’t wanna tell you since I’m not sure if you’ll get one.”

“Actually, this has been sitting in my mail since last week, too,” Baekhyun blankly states as he picks the said invitation up. “Wait here.” He shoves the paper back to its envelope before standing up and disappearing to his kitchen.

When he comes back, a bottle of what Jongdae recognizes to be scotch is already in his hand, as well as a shot glass.

“I don’t expect you to drink,” Baekhyun tells him as he settles back to his previous position. “I just want to have someone with me now.”

“Wala ka bang schedule bukas?” Jongdae asks instead, out of curiosity because his best friend seems to be adamant on getting wasted and also in hopes that his question will knock some sense to Baekhyun.

“Wala. I didn’t renew my contract. SM will issue an official statement of me retiring sa isang araw. Until then, I’ll be staying here doing nothing.” The singer answers nonchalantly and takes his first shot.

Jongdae’s eyes widen at that. “What? Akala ko ba the new contract’s been drafted already and so far agreeable naman sa’yo?”

“Change of plans, Dae. Thank you for being my legal adviser since the beginning of my career. Nasa law school ka pa lang tinutulungan mo na ‘ko and if not for you, I probably would’ve dumbly signed those stupid contracts that were bordering on slavery na pala as if I didn’t study pre-law myself. But from now on, wala ka na kailangang i-review na contracts. At least not for me anymore.” Baekhyun told him all that with a smile but Jongdae knows him enough to be certain that while his gratitude was genuine, the lightness he was trying to portray was not.

“Baek, I know you asked me here because you just want a shoulder to cry on and this may be an unsolicited advice, but if it’s because of Chanyeol, baka pwedeng i-reconsider mo muna. It’s unfair that you’ll give this part of your life up just because of him.”

Baekhyun shakes his head at that. “No, Dae. I would be lying if I say Chanyeol’s not a reason. He is. But that’s it—he’s a reason, not ‘the’ reason.”

“You know my story,” he continues and takes another shot. “I also majored in Political Science because to become a lawyer had always been my dream. But unexpectedly, that song cover I uploaded as a product of boredom in our senior year blew up. The next thing I know, I was being steered into another direction—one I never thought I would be able to tread, much more conquer.”

“While I didn’t reach my goal of becoming a lawyer at 28 like you and Chanyeol did because I was signed into an agency immediately after college, I don’t regret a thing. Being a musician brought me great pride and happiness. It gave me a strong sense of fulfillment, and for the past decade, I‘d like to believe I did well—for me, for the people I love, and for those who listened to my music and were comforted by it.”

There was a spark in Baekhyun’s eyes, the one he’s always had every time he would talk about his artistry, and Jongdae agrees that he truly did well in his mind, although he didn’t voice it out as he didn’t want to interrupt his best friend.

“But I’m tired, Dae.” Baekhyun’s tone turns more somber. “I’ve been doing this for ten years now, and I’m exhausted. It’s no longer as fulfilling. If anything, all of it feels more like a mere obligation, and I don’t want to continue kung ganito lang.”

“An artist survives and thrives on their passion for their craft, and how can I release any more music that I can be proud of when I’ve already lost mine?”

“That is why—“ He takes another shot. “I decided to retire early and pursue what I really should’ve no’ng una pa lang. I’ll continue my studies. I’ll be going to law school.”

Jongdae perks up at that and he can’t help but grab Baekhyun’s hand to squeeze it encouragingly. “I’ll be in full support for whatever will make you happy. Have you decided on which university? Sa alma mater din ba natin?” He excitedly asks.

“No.” the other answers and hands Jongdae an already teared envelope that the lawyer failed to notice was also lying atop the coffee table earlier, just besides the wedding invitation. He snatches it, confused, and as he pulls out the letter to read through its contents, he can’t help but let out a gasp.

“University of Tokyo,” he quickly scans through what turns out is an acceptance letter. “But, this is in—“

“Japan.” Baekhyun finishes for him. “Nagrereklamo pa ‘ko sa kung gaano kahirap dati pero seems like my efforts in releasing four Japanese albums paid off.” He jokes.

It is through staying there months at a time to promote each album that Baekhyun learned the ropes of the language and their culture. He never thought it’ll come in handy even after his first retirement.

The lawyer purses his lips, as if in contemplation. “I don’t doubt your ability to survive in there despite the country being foreign to you, but you don’t have to leave for a good law school. Marami tayong magagandang universities dito with impressive records and faculty line ups.”

“I know,” Baekhyun gulps another shot. Jongdae lost count of how many glasses it already has been and he’s now starting to worry. “I also applied sa mga local university natin, and I was accepted, too. Kaya nga if you’d look at the date d’yan sa letter hindi naman na bago. I’ve been processing my applications since early this year, and my original choice was supposedly our alma mater.”

“Then the engagement happened,” The singer painfully recalls how their group chat was bombarded with congratulatory messages for the newly-engaged couple. “And I figured that since I want two things: to continue my studies and to move on, why not go with the option where I can do both? Japan was the best pick. It has great law schools, and it’s an ocean away—far enough to start in a clean slate.”

Jongdae ruefully places the letter down to train his gaze back to his best friend who’s now more obviously tipsy, if not already drunk. “Sigurado ka na ba d’yan, Baek? Will you be okay?”

Baekhyun gives him a reassuring smile. “Yes, Dae. And I will be.”

“Eh ngayon?” Jongdae knows it’s stupid to ask. Even someone with an extremely bad eyesight would see how his best friend is not okay, but he knows that it is by asking this question that he can get him to open up.

“I’m not.” The singer takes another shot before Jongdae decided he’s had enough and grabs the shot glass away. He thought Baekhyun would protest, but he surprisingly just slumped on his back, defeated.

“Labing-dalawang taon,” he whispers, but still loud enough for Jongdae to catch. “We’ve been together for twelve years, Dae. Bakit ang bilis naman n’ya ‘yong tinapon lahat?”

Jongdae keeps mum. This is what he’s been waiting for months now. He may have known Baekhyun and Chanyeol when they were in second year of college already and the two have been together for almost a year by then, but he witnessed how their relationship grew and died. From their glorious early years when passion was largely their fuel, to their stable middle where trust and love have been their anchor, up to the beginning of their decline where all that held them together in their halcyon days started to fizzle out.

“But you know what,” Jongdae was pulled from his reverie when Baekhyun speaks again. “Hindi ko magawang magalit. Hindi ako pwedeng magalit. Kasi technically he didn’t cheat on me. We were on a break when he met her, and I also had my fair share of flings around that time. Ang pinagkaiba lang namin,” the singer swallows thickly and the first sign of tears are now swirling around his irises. “Wala akong nabuntis. How can I get anyone pregnant, when all I’ve dated were guys, too.” Baekhyun bitterly chuckles.

“I’m not holding that against him,” he presses on. “I know right from the start that unlike me, he’s bisexual. I was alright with whoever and whatever he would like to date when we decided to take a break. After all, we talked about it. It was a mutual decision to try with other people although ako, I didn’t take it seriously; I dated just for the sake of it. And that was my biggest fault—masyado akong napanatag na wala lang ‘yon, na babalik pa s’ya sa’kin.”

Jongdae knew about their arrangement. The couple was close to their twelfth year when things started to go stale in their relationship. With Baekhyun’s hectic schedule and Chanyeol’s designation as a new partner in the law firm he’s been working at, their quality time started to lessen while arguments became more frequent. It wasn’t new, they went through and survived similar downtimes before, but the last one hit them the hardest that they decided to take a break from each other.

They’ve been together since they were twenty, and both can barely remember a time when they were just Byun Baekhyun and Park Chanyeol, and not Baekhyun and Chanyeol—the inseparable duo. They realized how their youth was spent with just each other, and while they both agree they wouldn’t have it any other way, they were kept from experiencing things individually. They live in the same house, they have the same circle of friends, and almost everything in their lives are shared with each other. And even in their busiest days apart, Chanyeol and Baekhyun imprinted on each other so deeply that they can still feel the other—from Baekhyun’s mug on Chanyeol’s office desk, to the taller’s gym clothes stored on the singer’s car compartment.

They figured it’s a good idea to take some time apart. Baekhyun was okay in the first few months of their break. He hang out with Jongdae and their other friends more, he took days off work to travel leisurely, he digitally released singles, and he even went on a few dates. He was doing well, until he heard that Chanyeol was getting serious with a girl named Miyoung who used to be a client in the lawyer’s firm.

Baekhyun refused to believe it at first. He dismissed it as another ephemeral affair that managed to luckily survive the first month. But the first month stretched into two, and then four, and then on the sixth, Chanyeol asked to meet with him. _It’s really important_ , the lawyer told him, and he had a feeling right then and there that whatever Chanyeol will discuss with him, it will change his life completely. For the better or worse, he had an inkling, but he wanted to think it’s the former.  


He hoped that maybe Chanyeol finally broke it off with Miyoung and has now decided to rekindle their extinguished flames, but all his wishful thinking and futile hopes shattered when the taller dropped the bomb on him.

“ _She’s four weeks pregnant,” Chanyeol muttered, his voice heavy but somewhere in there, Baekhyun can detect a sliver of happiness and relief. His heart ached at that, because it was the kind of joy he would never be able to give him should’ve they stayed together. “We found out a week ago. We never told anyone yet, and I feel that you should know it first.”_

_ Baekhyun remained speechless, and his former boyfriend—how painful it is to address the love of his life as that—took that as his cue to go on. _

“ _I know we said that we’d be seeing where things will go during our break. And Baek, I’m sorry. Believe me, I never intended for this to happen. I’m sure I’ve loved you, I still do, and I always will. But...” Chanyeol trailed off, not sure how to continue, and Baekhyun, knowing exactly where the conversation is heading, decided to spare the taller the burden of ending things when it already did months ago. He can see that now._

“ _It’s okay,” he interrupted. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. When we took a break it was clear that we are free men. Although I fervently hoped that we’ll find our way back to each other in the end, you can’t be faulted for heading towards a different path.”_

“ _I’m flattered that you felt the need to tell me before anyone else, and I‘m grateful that you respect me and what we once had enough to give our twelve year long relationship a proper closure.” Baekhyun’s heart constricted against his chest, and he knew he had to end their talk as soon as possible because his throat is closing up and his bottled emotions are about to burst any minute now. “But you don’t have to feel like you owe anything to me anymore. I’m sincerely happy for you, Chanyeol_. _I wish you all the best.”_

_ Baekhyun was surprised at how he was able to hold back his tears, much more offer Chanyeol a friendly hug and a congratulatory pat on his back before they parted ways for good. _

That meeting was two months ago. 

There are still a lot left unsaid for Baekhyun, but he knows it’s now useless. If it was only Miyoung, Baekhyun’s certain that Chanyeol would still go back to him. But when he heard that a baby has been added to the equation, he knows there’s no more turning back because if there’s one thing he and Chanyeol can relate to, it was that their fathers are both missing in the picture.

‘Yung kay Baekhyun, sumakabilang-buhay. Ang kay Chanyeol, sumakabilang-bahay.

He knows of Chanyeol’s struggles while growing up in an incomplete family—a huge part of his existence hollow due to the absence of what should’ve been one of his pillars of strength. He remembers how Chanyeol would tell him how he dreams to have a family of their own and how he would make sure that their kids would grow up with a very present and hands-on father. 

Baekhyun realizes how that’s probably one of the factors that further strained their relationship—his refusal to take adoption talks seriously when Chanyeol has been convincing him for years, citing that with their financial stability and age, they are more than ready to have an additional member in their family of two.

And now it’s too late. Because Chanyeol has already built a home with someone else.

Baekhyun jolts awake when he feels his back land on a soft mattress. He opens his eyes and sees Jongdae about to retreat to probably head back to his pad. He’s been so out of it already he didn’t notice he was knocked out for a few minutes that Jongdae had to carry him to his bed.

“Dae,” he calls his best friend and the said man stops on his tracks to look at him through his shoulder. “I know you think I’m drunk, and yes, I am. But I’m totally aware of all that I’ve said and all that I’m going to say.”

Jongdae fully turns to him, sensing how Baekhyun’s next words will hold a great weight both in the present and future.  


And it indeed will.

“I have a favor to ask,” Baekhyun shifts so that he’s in a comfortable sitting position where he can see eye to eye with his best friend. “No matter what happens, once I leave the country, I would no longer want to hear anything about Chanyeol. Don’t tell me what will happen to his wedding, or when his child would come out—anything related to him, I dont wanna heart about it. Help me bury him in the past. Kahit pangalan n’ya, pakiusap, ayoko nang maririnig.”

“Hindi ako masamang tao, Dae. Maniwala ka man o hindi, masaya ako na magsisimula s’ya ng panibagong kabanata. Pero ayoko nang malaman pa ang laman ng mga susunod n’yang pahina.”

  
A week had passed since Chanyeol learned of Baekhyun’s retirement in the industry and his plans to continue his studies overseas, and he’s faring better than he thought he would. 

The night he was informed of Baekhyun’s departure left him heartbroken but not to the point of devastation. Siguro dahil hindi man n’ya aminin, he saw it coming, and subconsciously napaghandaan na n’ya. When he decided to get married officially and start his family with Miyoung, he knew that he’s gonna lose Baekhyun one way or another—although he would’ve preferred if they could’ve remained connected. 

But that would only complicate things. He admits that there are still unresolved issues in regards to their feelings despite them having talked about it and even technically had their closure. And he doesn’t wanna dwell on any of that anymore because he doesn’t want to hurt Miyoung, more so Baekhyun, and so he knows that him starting anew someplace else is the best course of action for the latter.

Besides, his ongoing wedding preparations are keeping him busy that there’s almost no time for him to be alone to reflect on all that’s recently happened. It’s either he’s with their wedding planner, on a meeting with his firm partners, or with Miyoung. He doesn’t even drop by his own condo the past days anymore as he always spends the night over in the condominium unit he recently purchased for the little family he’s soon to raise.

Like now. Miyoung’s in the shower and Chanyeol’s already dressed in his pajamas, just waiting for his fiancée to finish so they can go to sleep together. He is mindlessly scrolling through his instagram when he‘s interrupted by an incoming call from Sehun, his best friend since childhood.

Chanyeol suddenly feels nervous, his mind reeling back to a week ago when he together with Jongin—another friend from childhood he’s remained close to all throughout his twenties and until now—tried to inform him of Baekhyun leaving since the two have also established an incredibly strong bond with his ex. In the twelve years that they’ve been together and with Baekhyun’s personality, it was inevitable that his former lover would be able to worm his way into his friends’ hearts and lives. In fact, even after they broke up, he can see how the three remained in contact which to be honest, he sometimes envy.

He shakes his head to rid of the unpleasant thoughts brewing. It might be nothing. It’s half past ten in the evening and Sehun’s probably just drunk calling, it’s nothing new. Although kung tutuusin masyado pang maaga para malasing ang binata when he has a really high alcohol tolerance. 

He slides through his screen to accept the call so he can be at ease.

“Hyung!” Sehun was frantic.

“Sehunnie, what hap—“

“Hyung,” a sob. Chanyeol’s heart rate picks up at that.

“Where are you? Are you okay?”

Silence. Then he heard him sniffling.

“I’m sorry, I can’t—shit. I can’t say it—I-I don’t want to. Hyung. Just—“

Chanyeol’s losing his mind. Sehun’s always calm and collected. In their more than twenty years of friendship he never heard Sehun lose his wits this way, and that’s telling a lot considering they’ve been through so much. 

  
Whatever’s happening, it’s ugly. Really ugly.

“Sehun, take a deep breath. You can do it. Tell me what’s happening, please.”

He hears shuffling on the other line.

“I-I can’t, hyung. I’m sorry. Saying it makes it feel real. And I don’t want it to be real.” More broken sobs. “Just—just turn on the news.”

The line goes dead.

Chanyeol’s head is pounding, and he promptly reaches for the remote control lying on the nightstand and turns the tv on. He didn’t have to switch channels anymore because on their 72 inch screen, just below the news anchor’s solemn expression, were glaring bold letters making up the words that shook Sehun up—words he never thought he’d see in this lifetime.

He feels all the strength leave his body.

**_ Breaking News: _ **

_“Eight people hurt, two confirmed dead in four-car crash in Tokyo, Japan. Former singer-songwriter Byun Baekhyun among the feared casualties.”_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by UDD’s Unti-Unti, particularly the parts from 3:04-3:47.
> 
> Listen to it here:
> 
> https://youtu.be/qynqrst9ams

** 2037 **

_ I'm forty-five for a moment _

_ The sea is high _

_ And I'm heading into a crisis _

_ Chasing the years of my life _

Jongdae steps out of the taxi he paid with a bit more than the supposed fare and deeply breathes in. It‘s still early in the afternoon and in his peripheral vision, he could see the cab as it was driven away—the whir of its engine fading into a distant hum as it zooms past rows of vivid scarlet hues and pumpkin oranges tinged with light amber until it disappears. With the absence of the vehicle’s mechanical thrum, the open space immediately fell soothingly quiet—the soft rustling of leaves as they’re swayed by the gentle breeze of autumn the only sounds that fill the cool November air.

Jongdae would’ve remained in his spot to revel in the tranquility if not the light crunch of the paper bouquet he’s held a bit too tightly pulled him out of his trance—the pink carnations reminding him of his true purpose. He looks straight ahead and despite his inability to read and write Japanese—heck he can’t even identify if the sign was written in Hiragana, Katakana, or Kanji—he knows too well what they stand for having visited the place numerous times for the past twelve years.

Aoyama Reien.

_ Aoyama Cemetery. _

Jongdae involuntarily releases a shaky breath—whether it’s from the cold or the agitation he’s been doing his best to suppress, he’s not entirely sure. All he‘s certain of is that beyond those gates, his best friend is waiting, like always. And he can’t wait to get to him.

“ _Baekhyun-ah, I’m here.”_

  
  


The inside of Aoyama Cemetery is just as serene and breathtaking as he remembers it to be. It’s said to be at its most beautiful at this time of year, and Jongdae, having seen its state in all four seasons—would have to agree. 

He stops in front of a familiar tombstone and a small smile grazes his lips when he sees fresh flowers decorating its surface—an indication of recent visits. It warms Jongdae to know that it’s been twelve years yet the person laid at rest underneath is still greatly remembered, as he deserves to be.

Jongdae places the bouquet of pink carnations down and just as he’s about to offer a silent prayer, somebody loudly called out his name.

“Uncle Dae!”

The lawyer turns to the direction of the sound and instinctively squints due to his worsening eyesight although he already knows by heart to whom the lovely voice belongs to.

“Aeri!” He excitedly hollers when the figure draws closer, the person’s features getting more visible that upon scoring a clearer view, Jongdae can’t help but let out a gasp.

“Oh my, my baby’s all grown!” He squeals and jogs to meet the newcomer halfway. He bends his knees so they would be at eye level before spreading his arms in an invitation for a mandatory hug, and he wasn’t disappointed when the little ball of sunshine throws her arms to grasp at the sides of his torso just as eagerly, burying her face in the crook of his neck and giggling softly.

“I’m six now!” He hears her exclaim.

“That’s why!” He fakes a surprise, although he was virtually in attendance when her sixth birthday happened, having forced her father to keep the video call going throughout the whole celebration. “You’ve grown a foot taller than last time.” He tightens his embrace but careful not to crush the fragile gem, and he could’ve gushed more on how she’s growing into a charming princess day by day when another voice breaks them out of their happy reunion.

“Stop smothering my daughter, Jongdae.”

The lawyer tilts his head towards the other person he didn’t even notice approached—or maybe he did but Aeri was more important—and frowns.

“You’re late,” he chides the male who only retaliated with a scoff and a cocky “sino ba kasi nagsabing dito ka dumiretso?”. Jongdae tries to argue, but the lightness in his tone betrays his true emotions, which the other could read too well. Deciding they’re too old and that their setting is too solemn to be playful, he lets out a sigh and smiles instead. “I’ve missed you,” he stands straight and opens his arms wide, ready for another heartfelt embrace.

“Come here and give your best friend a hug, Baekhyun.”

  
  


“It’s his birthday tomorrow.”

Those were Baekhyun’s first words after he’s done paying his respect for the dead and as if on instinct, Jongdae looks down to stare at the words engraved on the tombstone—knowing what they are despite his unfamiliarity with the system the characters were written with.

_ Nakamoto Yuta _

_ November 03, 1993 - December 05, 2025 _

“How do you feel about it? Kumusta pakiramdam mo ngayon?” Jongdae asks softly, uncertain—a tad bit afraid of the other’s response. They may have gone through the same scenario and almost the same conversation—only the occasion changing, alternating between when it’s the deceased’s birthday or death anniversary—for more than a decade now, and Baekhyun has been responding more positively the recent years, but Jongdae still worries that his best friend may relapse to blaming and loathing himself again.

“Sometimes I still feel bad, like it was my fault,” Baekhyun answers and before Jongdae could counter him, he continues, as if sensing the lawyer’s impending argument on how it is not. 

“I know it’s not.” 

Jongdae presses his lips into a thin line, listening intently. 

“Years of therapy and you being patient with me made me realize that. But for the longest time I’ve beat up myself for it, and even until now, there are dark days—instances when I still feel like it was my fault that he’s now gone.”

Jongdae knows that. And it’s the exact reason why at least once a year, he makes an effort to fly to Japan and stay with Baekhyun for as long as his schedule would allow. It’s the least he could do. 

“He’s got so much ahead of him,” Baekhyun somberly states, recalling—remembering. And although he wouldn’t be able to feel the same amount of regret that Baekhyun did and still does, Jongdae recognizes how it is indeed too early for a lively soul such as Yuta’s to pass on. 

The lawyer may not have been acquainted with the man personally, but Baekhyun’s stories painted him so vividly he might as well be.

Baekhyun and Yuta first met on a backstage of an award show in Japan back when they were both rookie artists, circa 2017. Baekhyun was struggling with the language bilang it was his first time to release a Japanese album and his first attendance sa nasabing award show that although there were a lot of foreign artists present, he still awkwardly stood in a corner alone. Yuta was the only person who approached him that evening with the intent of actually befriending him, not just for pictures or good publicity.

Yuta was a year younger and unlike him, he was a member of a rock band, kaya it surprised Baekhyun when the junior claimed to be a fan of his works, even those that were in his native language. He knows that it’s wrong to assume a person’s music taste or to limit their range based on the specific genre they’re most obviously into, pero medyo maglakayo naman kasi talaga ang ballad and rock.

Regardless, they clicked, and even after that evening they remained in contact—occasionally sending each other messages or gifts when one would win an award or land a good project, and they’ve become each other’s go-to persons when visiting each other’s home country. 

Baekhyun made a lot of friends in the ten years he was active in the industry, but none of them came close to Yuta’s level. He was the Japanese counterpart of Jongdae, and it was unfortunate how his two best friends never met. Siguro dahil isa sa mga strength and at the same time weakness ni Baekhyun ang ability n’ya to compartmentalize. He dislikes mixing two aspects of his life, and since him and Yuta were in the same line of work, he unconsciously placed him in a box with a “work” label on it, although he’s really fond of the younger. Besides, although their friendship has been genuine right from the beginning, it was only when Baekhyun was close to his retirement as a singer that they were able to bond more, and all that happened in Japan.

It was Yuta who accompanied him in his travels when him and Chanyeol took a break. It was also him who first supported his decision to further his studies and even suggested that he should apply to Tokyo University.

“ _It’s among the best, globally speaking.” Yuta casually sipped his lukewarm coffee, a lit cigarette between his fingers. They were in a shabby, nondescripts cafe’ somewhere in Shibuya, paparazzis the least of their concern._

_ “I know,” Baekhyun murmured. “But there are globally recognized good law schools in my home, too.” _

_ Yuta just shrugged and took a long drag before crashing the cigarette butt on the ashtray. “Well, law school can be really draining,” he stated, a teasing smile already playing on his lips. “Don’t you think it’ll be more fun to have me around? I’ll make those maddening years bearable. I’ll take good care of you.” _

That may have come out of nowhere and was delivered in a rather playful manner, but deep down, Baekhyun was certain that Yuta meant it. 

And so that, coupled with Baekhyun’s desire to get away from Chanyeol and his then impending marriage and fatherhood were what propelled him to choose Tokyo University over a local one.

Jongdae could clearly remember the night when Baekhyun told him he was leaving for Japan to pursue law school and move on from Chanyeol, and not even a week passed after that conversation, the retired singer boarded a flight to Tokyo to fulfill his plans. Jongdae was happy for him then, because he knew that it was a huge step for Baekhyun, not just for the mending of his best friend’s broken heart, but for the achievement of his dream that had been long overdue. 

But that happiness didn’t last.

“Ako dapat nand’yan, eh.” Jongdae whips his head to stare at Baekhyun worriedly whose eyes are intently trained on Yuta’s tombstone. He’s heard Baekhyun say that line more times than he can count, and the story that follows is one he’s already memorized, but it never failed to break his heart each time. “I wasn’t supposed to be the driver that time, s’ya naman talaga dapat. But I insisted, kasi I want to be familiarized with the roads, and siguro dahil nahihiya na rin ako kung paanong lagi n’ya akong pinag-dadrive. Bakit ba kasi hindi ko na lang s’ya hinayaan.”

Baekhyun releases a shaky breath as he quickly steals a glance at Aeri who is playing not too far off—just enough for Baekhyun to monitor her activities, and for the conversation he’s having with Jongdae to be out of the little girl’s earshot. He doesn’t want to worry his daughter.

“Kung hindi ako naging makulit, edi dapat s’ya ‘yung nasa driver’s seat,” Baekhyun continues, regret heavy in his voice. “Edi sana, s’ya ‘yung nasa pwesto kung saan gumana ‘yung airbag.”

Jongdae stops himself from interrupting. He’s heard this from Baekhyun before—on more accounts than he can recall—and he’s gone through all the possible responses: from arguing that there’s no way for Baekhyun to know that beforehand so there’s no point dwelling in the what ifs, to agreeing with him passively, and neither yielded a desirable outcome. Jongdae finally learned that more than anything, it’s best to just listen. 

Besides, they’re in the part of the story already that no matter how many years have gone by, it still throws him back to one of his life’s biggest scare—and the dread that crippled him that very moment has been simmered by time, but it accompanies the memory. And he hates how he can remember it clearly.

_ It was a cold, lazy December evening in 2025—boring and uneventful, until he gets a phone call from Baekhyun’s mother who was already a crying mess. All he got out of their thirty-second conversation were “Baekhyun” and “accident” and how they need to book a flight to Tokyo as soon as possible. It didn’t help that right after hanging up, amidst his agitation and confusion, the evening news reported that Baekhyun, his best friend who just sent him a goofy selfie of himself via messenger barely three hours ago, is now a casualty of a traffic collision. _

_ He fell on his knees and he didn’t know how hemustered the strength to get up and call Baekbeom who was obviously unnerved but surprisingly level headed enough to explain that while Baekhyun was indeed a casualty, he wasn’t a fatality. The details were still largely unknown as the tragedy transpired not even half an hour ago, but what’s certain was that Baekhyun was alive. _

_The next hours were a blur of phone calls and distant traffic lights. Fueled by adrenaline rush, Jongdae’s mind only started to clear up when he found himself outside the hospital room where Baekhyun was admitted—the attending doctor explaining his best friend’s condition in details and a surge of relief finally coursed through his veins upon learning that Baekhyun only sustained non-fatal injuries and would be discharged in a few days._

_ The bad news however was the person on the passenger’s seat didn’t make it. The airbag was defective, it didn’t deploy on time unlike Baekhyun’s.  _

_ Nakamoto Yuta was dead on arrival. _

_ Nanghina si Jongdae nang marinig ‘yon. Paano n’ya sasabihin kay Baekhyun na wala na si Yuta? _

_ Of course, he knows about the guy. How can he not when his best friend and the said man goes a long way back? Matagal na ring kaibigan ni Baekhyun ang binata and the two have gotten a lot closer months before the accident. They were almost inseparable, and Jongdae had an inkling that something greater than friendship could’ve budded soon enough kung hindi lang kinuha ng tadhana si Yuta nang maaga. _

Konting panahon pa sana ang napahiram.

Jongdae aches for what his best friend lost and for the future that he could’ve had.

“I wish I could celebrate with you, pero mas maganda naman sigurado kung nasaan ka ngayon. I’ll see you again next month. Happy birthday, Yuta.”

Baekhyun’s words are no longer for him, but now directed at the person who was once the retired singer’s saving grace. It’s probably inappropriate, pero hindi n’ya magawang alisin ang napakong tingin sa matalik na kaibigan. May lungkot man sa mga mata nito, Jongdae can see that his aura’s a lot lighter compared to the previous years. And it’s such an improvement that he can now go through the whole visit without shedding a tear.

Baekhyun may never fully move on from what happened, but what once was only resignation has slowly became acceptance. And this is something Jongdae never thought he’d see in Baekhyun. Akala n’ya, hindi na babalik sa dati ang kaibigan.

He remembers how messy it got after the accident.

_ Baekhyun woke up the next day na wala sa ulirat. His injuries were dull and bearable, and he was heavy on painkillers, but the dosages weren’t enough to numb him for the news that was Yuta’s passing. _

_ Sinubukan naman ni Jongdae itago muna ang balita. He wanted Baekhyun to rest for a day more—to replenish his energy bago sana ipaalam. But when he went out to get coffee, pagbalik n’ya nadatnan na n’ya ang kaibigan na pinagkakaguluhan ng nurses and attendants. Baekhyun was being restrained because apparently, he requested na mabuksan ang television and since the nurse that was doing her rounds that time was new at hindi naabisuhan nila Jongdae, sumunod ito. _

_ Baekhyun saw the news report of Yuta’s untimely death and his reaction was so intense and aggressive it still brings Jongdae chills kapag naaalala ang mga palahaw ng kaibigan—kung paano ito nagwala na kinailangan pa’ng tumawag ng additional staff to hold him down. He had to be sedated and when he woke up that evening, his broken wails could be heard kahit sa hallway. _

_ Baekhyun refused to consume any sustenance and with his refusal to cooperate sa protocols and to help himself, his supposed stay of three maximum days was extended to a week, depending pa on his condition. _

_ It also didn’t help na kasabay ng lumalalang physical and mental state ni Baekhyun, sumabay pa si Chanyeol. Hindi naman sana s’ya problema, kung hindi lang hiniling ni Baekhyun na ‘wag na n’ya itong makikita. _

_ That same evening of Baekhyun’s accident, ilang tawag din ang na-receive ni Jongdae mula sa dating nobyo ng matalik na kaibigan, pero wala s’yang sinagot sa mga ‘yon. He figured that keeping in contact with Baekhyun’s family was more important, Chanyeol can wait. _

_ Apparently, he couldn’t. Because the next morning, a few hours before Baekhyun woke up, he received a message from Sehun saying that they just landed in Tokyo at nakikiusap ito na malaman kung saang ospital naka-confine si Baekhyun. _

_ He finally called Chanyeol and was taken aback with how devastated the other sounded. Durog na durog ang binata at nagmamakaawa itong sabihin kung ano na ang lagay ni Baekhyun at kung maaari, mapuntahan nila ito. _

_ Jongdae was torn. He made a promise to his best friend and he knows that the accident doesn’t nullify their agreement. If anything, mas dapat pa nga iyong tuparin ni Jongdae ngayon dahil alam n’ya that Chanyeol’s presence would only make healing harder for Baekhyun. Pero nang makita na n’ya sa personal si Chanyeol when he asked to meet them in a coffee shop two districts away from the hospital where Baekhyun was admitted, halos bumigay s’ya na sabihin kung nasa’n iyon. _

_ To say that Chanyeol was disheveled would be the understatement of the century. Unruly hair, red, swollen eyes, chapped lips, bloodied knuckles, and shaky fingers were what greeted him when he sat down to talk. His voice was gruff, throat obviously dry, and Jongdae could only imagine how much crying and screaming took place for him to exhaust his vocals that much. He’s never seen him that disconcerted before. _

_ Apparently, Chanyeol thought na wala na si Baekhyun as implied by the evening news. When it was cleared hours later that Baekhyun was only injured and it was Nakamoto Yuta who passed away from the accident, the damage had been done. Chanyeol, being asthmatic, passed out after more than an hour of sobbing uncontrollably. The shattered bathroom mirror, wall dents, smears of red, and a shaken Miyoung were only few of what Sehun tried to temporarily ignore as he tended to an unconscious Chanyeol that night. _

_ When the taller gained consciousness and a throaty cry for Baekhyun left his lips, Sehun immediately silenced him with a hug and whispers of assurance that Baekhyun’s still alive. _

_ Just when Sehun thought that would calm Chanyeol down, he wasn’t prepared when the taller tightened his grip around him and more sobs wrecked his tired body. Hindi na rin napigilan ni Sehun na mapaiyak—from exhaustion or relief o awa sa kaibigan, hindi na s’ya sigurado. Halo-halo na rin ang emosyon n’ya. _

_They’ve made countless attempts to contact any of Baekhyun’s family, even Jongin who was in Italy that time tried to help, pero walang sumasagot. Jongdae wouldn’t answer their calls as well. They were kept in the dark and their only source were news portals that only gave out limited information._

_ Halos mabaliw si Chanyeol with the realization na gano’n pala talaga kapag wala ka na sa picture—that he’s just as good as the rest of the population who were merely spectators of what befell a once popular artist. Walang first hand access sa mga nangyayari. Walang bilang. _

_ But Chanyeol’s desire to see Baekhyun whom he thought he’s completely and permanently lost is greater than his pride and ego. He immediately pulled contacts—perks of being a renowned lawyer with impressive connections—and at exactly 4 am, they were on a private jet to Tokyo, Japan. At 8 am, they were in an almost empty coffee shop, begging for Jongdae to disclose Baekhyun’s exact location. _

_ Chanyeol’s pitiful state tugged at Jongdae’s heartstrings, but it wasn’t enough to break his resolve. Oo, kaibigan din n’ya si Chanyeol, at naaawa s’ya rito. Pero matalik n’yang kaibigan si Baekhyun, at alam n’ya kung ano ang makakabuti para rito. _

“ _I’m sorry,” Jongdae lowered his gaze. He can’t bear to stare at Chanyeol’s glassy eyes any longer. “Can I be honest with you? He asked me not to let you see him under any circumstances.”_

“ _He moved here because he wanted to go forward, to finally leave the phase of his life that was centered on you behind. Labing-dalawang taon kasi ‘yon Chanyeol, and maniwala ka, naiintindihan ko naman why you did what you did, pero kung naging madali para sa’yo na bitawan at talikuran lahat, kay Baekhyun kasi hindi. He’s finally on the process of letting you and all that relates to you, go. But he’s barely healed from losing you, and now, he’s lost another one.”_

“ _Yuta, for the lack of a better term—was Baekhyun’s savior. Naging literal pa nga sa huli, eh.” Jongdae tried to smile, but he can imagine how forced it would’ve looked. “Chanyeol, mahigit isang linggo na lang ikakasal ka na. You can take my word that Baekhyun will be okay—not now, but soon—kaya mag-focus ka na sa upcoming wedding mo. Please lang, hayaan mo na s’yang magpahinga. Huwag mo na ipaalala sakanya na bukod kay Yuta, meron pa nga pala s’yang isang taong nawala.”_

“Dad, I’m hungry.” A small voice and a light tug at the end of Baekhyun’s coat pulled the two adults from their melancholic recollections. It entrances Jongdae with how like magic, all the heaviness in Baekhyun’s features instantly dispersed and was instead replaced by fondness as he gazed at the pouting child.

This is another thing Jongdae never thought he’d see again in Baekhyun’s eyes—happiness and contentment. 

Because if Yuta was Baekhyun’s savior, then Aeri was his miracle.

The months that followed the accident were the hardest for Baekhyun. His wounds and cuts healed, only a few scarred, but the trauma were beyond his physical injuries. What’s worse was that despite his continuously deteriorating mental health, he refused to go back home.

“ _Nagpunta ako dito para tumakas. ‘Yun na naman ba ang gagawin ko? I’m staying here for good. Pagod na ‘kong tumakbo.”_

Mabigat man sa loob ni Jongdae and ng pamilya ni Baekhyun, they had no choice but to let Baekhyun be. The retired singer was a full-grown adult in his thirties who is adamant in his decision to stay and continue his therapy in Japan—no one can force him to do otherwise.

And so from that point onwards, they had to do away with semi-annual visits and regular phone or video calls.

Since Baekhyun has only recently retired that time, he had been invited for interviews numerous times, even followed by insistent paparazzis—both local and foreign—and was even offered a contract by a Japanese agency as the accident stirred quite a ruckus and his survival story heavily garnered attention from the local population. Apparently, the empathy loudly expressed for him by the locals of Japan and his home country were seen by capitalists as an opportunity to rev up their cash inflows, but Baekhyun would have none of it.

He turned down these invites straightforwardly, and in a letter addressed to the public—the last one he’s ever posted on his Instagram before deleting the app and ditching social media platforms all together—he reiterated that his retirement from the industry was final and took effect weeks before the unpleasant incident happened, so he’s in all rights and angles, a private individual now. With that he shall no longer be treated as a public figure—even taking photos of him without his consent would now be prohibited—and in a tactful manner, he politely asked everyone to get their noses out of his business from then on.

Whether his plead actually worked or it’s because he just tuned the world out by deactivating his SNS accounts and limiting his sources of news, he’s not sure, but it quieted down after. He was able to mourn in peace and only kept in contact with a handful of people: his parents, Baekbeom and his small family, Jongdae, and well, mandatorily—his therapist.

These people sans his therapist since she’s all professional and never interacted with him for personal reasons, know how they were treading on thin ice, and so they made sure to adhere to Baekhyun’s silent wish of staying in his thick bubble of pseudo-safety and anonymity until at least he’s ready to face the world again.

Baekhyun kept to himself for almost a whole year before he decided—with the help of therapy and his support system—that he can step out and be a productive member of the society again.

His initial plan of pursuing law school has long been aborted, and he didn’t dare try to go back to it knowing that his passion had ebbed together with Yuta’s passing. He took refresher short courses for legal management instead and landed a job as a paralegal in a fairly medium sized law firm.

He may not be able to fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming a lawyer, but working as a legal assistant was the closest thing. The pay was decent, the working environment was nice, and his co-workers treated him normally—although he’s pretty sure they’ve recognized him from the countless headlines that featured the tragic news of his accident.

Regardless, he got by, and he soon found himself doing better day by day. Not fully healed, but he wasn’t getting worse, and for Baekhyun, that was enough. That was improvement. 

On top of his eight to five stable job, he also made sure to keep Yuta’s legacy alive through the charities and orphanages the deceased artist supported when he was still alive. Baekhyun may no longer be earning as much as he did when he was an active singer, but his savings were sufficient to fund a lifetime of expenses and even more kahit hindi na s’ya magtrabaho. Since him and his family are already settled, wala na rin naman masyadong pinagkakagastusan si Baekhyun except for daily necessities and therapy na kaya namang i-cover ng monthly salary n’ya. 

And so he figured that there’s no better way to spend a part of his savings than to donate it to Yuta’s chosen charity institutions. Sa gano’n kasing paraan, parang napapanatili n’ya na ring buhay ang kaibigan, or at least, ang legacy nito. And it is through one of the orphanages he supports that he met Aeri.

Tulad ni Yuta, hindi lang pera ang inilalaan ni Baekhyun sa mga suportado nitong ampunan—he also makes time to personally visit the orphanages and treat the kids to a whole day of games, delicacies, and gifts.

It is in one of his visits that he learned about the new orphan who was brought in just weeks prior. Said orphan was also the youngest in the batch, barely half a year old, and whose parents died in a car accident with no immediate relatives to go to.

The infant’s story tugged at Baekhyun’s heart—perhaps it’s the similarity in the way they’ve lost the people they love, but one look at the innocent orbs of the orphan and Baekhyun knew he had to shield her from harm’s way. He had to give her a home.

And so he did just that.

He immediately worked on the adoption papers and somewhere between his interviews with the social workers assigned to what he learned to be Aeri—a beautiful name he had no desire to change—and his meetings with his lawyer to speed up the process, he had a fleeting thought of Chanyeol and how this is what the taller has been trying to make him do all those years before: to open his heart for an additional family member that they would nurture and love as if their own.

He pushed the thought away as quickly as it came. Chanyeol, unlike Yuta, was a senile wound—old but never fully healed. It’s a closed up stitch of a lacerated skin or a deep cut from a major operation that has dried and scarred in time, but still occasionally hurts when the winter gets too cold.

And the proverbial winter happens once in a while, no matter how much Baekhyun tries to keep his former lover out of his mind. It can’t be helped, especially when he never had the chance to completely close the chapter that was Chanyeol. The guilt and pain from Yuta’s death was just a stronger ache that reduced the pain of Chanyeol’s memories into a dull throb. Even so, it was ever-present—resurfacing when he least expected it.

Regardless, he pressed on, and he found a new life purpose in a form of chubby cheeks and tiny giggles.

And now, Aeri’s already six years old, at kung tatanungin n’yo si Baekhyun kung kumusta na s’ya, kaya na n’yang tumingin ng diretso sa mga mata ng kahit sinong nagtatanong at sabihin na “ _okay lang ako_ ”.

  
  


The trio found themselves in a local restaurant a few streets away from Aoyama Reien. It’s now way past lunchtime, and all are hungry enough to halt their conversation temporarily in favor of enjoying their ordered meals.

After the filling late lunch, Aeri asks for Baekhyun’s permission to play in the family restaurant’s makeshift playground. Baekhyun doesn’t see any problem—aside from wondering how Aeri still has so much energy after all the errands she’s accompanied him to run—as the walls are mostly glass panels so he could monitor Aeri at a close distance. After making sure that her daughter’s scarf is properly worn around her neck, he kisses her cheek sweetly before letting her run to the swings.

“Grabe, ang bilis ng panahon. She’s growing up way too fast! I still remember how tiny she was. It’s like yesterday but it’s been six years.” Jongdae, who was nursing a cup of steaming black coffee sighs fondly while looking at Aeri who immediately found herself a playmate.

Baekhyun only smiles, his gaze also fixed on his precious gem. A few beats of silence ensued before Jongdae clears his throat, an indication of a serious discussion incoming.

“So Baek, you know why I’m here. I mean, aside from my usual reason of visiting you and Aeri, of course.”

Baekhyun nods. “Would you hate me if I tell you I’m still gonna think about it?”

The lawyer purses his lips before releasing an exasperated sigh. “That’s a strong word, Baek, and you know that’s impossible. Magtatampo, yes. But hate you? Not in a million years.”

“Pero halos kalahating taon ko na ‘tong pinag-iisipan. And you know how it’s just my excuse when in reality, I’m already inclining my decision towards a ‘no’. Hindi ko lang masabi sa’yo ng diretso. Stop being so good to me, Dae. I don’t deserve it.”

“Don’t say that.” The lawyer frowns. “I admit it doesn’t feel nice that my best friend’s been missing for the majority of my life’s greatest moments yet, pero that’s understandable. You’re here, this is your home now, and I’m thousands of miles away.”

“Stop justifying my absences and poor excuses, Dae!” Baekhyun slams his fist on the table, startling the other. “Why won’t you be mad at me? I wasn’t there to celebrate with you when you got promoted and started dating Claire all those years ago. I wasn’t by your side when uncle passed away. Heck, you got engaged, had your bachelor’s party ng wala ako and now, you’re about to get married at wala pa rin ako sa litrato.“

“Baek, hindi naman ako galit—“

“Ayun na nga! Bakit hindi ka galit? Oo, nandito ako sa Japan. Pero bakit ikaw, Dae? Ang layo mo rin naman pero taon-taon nandito ka. Why won’t you hate someone who wouldn’t do the same things for you? You know my excuses are invalid. Sa dinami-rami ng mga nirarason ko kung bakit hindi ako umuuwi sa atin, alam mo’ng isa lang ang totoo: duwag ako, Dae. Hanggang ngayon takot pa rin akong bumalik, at sa sobrang tagal ko ng natatakot, ni hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ba ang kinakatakutan ko. Now, why would you still bear to stay friends with someone like me?”

“Kasi hindi pagmamahal kapag mahal mo lang ang isang tao kapag kaya nilang pantayan ang mga ginagawa mo. Hindi investment ang friendship na ‘to, Baek. I don’t expect my actions to be reciprocated. Mahal kasi kita, at naiintindihan ko ang mga rason mo. And stop saying that you’re a coward. Hindi ka duwag. Hindi naman kasi parating kaduwagan ang pagtalikod sa nakaraan. Pinili mo lang maging matapang sa ibang paraan, because it takes an incredible amount of courage to leave all that you know behind and start all over again.”

Baekhyun was already crying by the time Jongdae finished, and grabbing a napkin, the latter who’s also a bit teary-eyed by now, promptly reaches for Baekhyun’s cheeks to dab his tears away.

“Hindi nakakaganda ‘to Baek. Imagine how awkward we look. Men in their mid-forties crying in the middle of a family restaurant? I deserve a better headline.”

That did the trick as Baekhyun swatted the lawyer’s hand away before laughing lightly. “It’s your fault!” He berates the other who only chuckles in amusement. “Ako? Ikaw nga ‘tong galit agad. ‘Di ba dapat ako magda-drama? Ako nga ‘tong ikakasal na walang best man, eh.”

Jongdae’s last statement brought Baekhyun back to a somber mood. “I’m really sorry. Maybe Minseok would do? Or that colleague you’re really close with. What was his name? Yizing?”

“Yixing.” The lawyer corrects. “But no one deserves to be my best man more than you do.” 

A regal looking envelope was slid on the table towards Baekhyun, and the paralegal knows what’s inside by the looks of it.

“Hindi mo pa naman ako tuluyang hinihindian, ‘di ba? My wedding’s in two months and who knows, baka magkaroon ka ng change of heart by then.”

Baekhyun takes a deep breath before picking the envelope up and checking its content, a smile grazing his lips when he took out the invitation with Jongdae and his spouse-to-be’s names sophistically engraved on the paper.

“Ang sama ko ba’ng kaibigan kung sasabihin ko na naman na susubukan ko’ng pag-isipan?”

The lawyer merely shakes his head. “Enough with the drama na nga Byun Baekhyun. Ito na naman tayo, eh. Whatever your decision is, it’ll not change anything. You’re still my best friend and I’ll love you just the same. Okay?”

Baekhyun opens his mouth but just when the lawyer thought he’ll start to argue again, his best friend shuts it promptly and simply nods. “Okay.”

Jongdae sighs seeing how the other seemed to have finally calmed down. A blanket of comfortable silence engulfed the two and realizing his coffee has turned cold, the lawyer decided to drink it all up.

“Ang ironic, no? The last time I’ve received a wedding invitation, galing kay Chanyeol na hindi naman natuloy. Kaya ikaw Jongdae, siguraduhin mo’ng matutuloy ‘yang sa’yo.”

Jongdae’s eyes widen comically at halos maibuga n’ya ang ininom na kape. Hindi makapaniwalang ibinaba ng abugado ang tasa bago tinignan ang kaibigan, an expression of disbelief marring his features.

“What? Ano problema, bakit ganyan ka makatingin?” Unlike Jongdae who looked bewildered, Baekhyun was calm. Medyo natatawa pa nga ito when he asked the lawyer what was wrong.

“Baek, you–you mentioned his name.” Jongdaebreathed, still fazed at the other’s nonchalance.

“So? Totoo naman kasi. It’s not like I can mention anyone else, talaga namang Chanyeol’s wedding invitation was the last I’ve received.”

“But-but that was the first in so long that you’ve spoken his name! ‘Di ba we agreed na hindi na s’ya mababangit kahit kailan? Akala ko Voldemort na s’ya in this household? And how did you know na hindi natuloy ang kasal n’ya?”

Baekhyun only laughs at his best friends consecutive queries and confused expression.

“Kalma, Dae. Ayun na nga, it’s been so long. Did I drop dead by uttering his name now?Hindi naman.” The paralegal chuckles. “Hindi ko na ikamamatay—literally and figuratively—na marinig at sabihin ang pangalan n’ya.”

Baekhyun takes a sip of his tea before continuing. “And as for how I knew, remember Minsoo?”

Jongdae still looks dumbfounded but he nods nonetheless. “Uh, yeah. ‘Yung aling Marites ng batch natin.”

Baekhyun snickers at the remark. “Yeah, she’s indeed a chronic gossiper. Who would have thought she’ll pursue psychiatry? We met by chance some five or six years ago ata. We both attended a seminar na same ang venue. She asked for my contact details and although I’m hesitant na ibigay, I didn’t wanna be rude. Besides, she seems to be professional. Gone was the tsismosang Minsoo na we know.”

“Well, that was what I thought at first. Months after our encounter, she contacted me and asked if I could be one of her respondents for the doctorate dissertation she was working on since I was a car-crash survivor and her study’s basically about that. I declined, and she took it in stride. But not before she talked my ears off about updates tungkol sa mga batch-mate natin na I can’t care less about.”

“So she told you that Chanyeol cancelled his wedding?”

Medyo natigilan si Baekhyun sa narinig. “Well, uh, no. She didn’t say that. She didn’t know what was the exact reason as well. She only told me the wedding didn’t push through and that Chanyeol and Miyoung are coparenting.”

Jongdae releases an exasperated sigh before flicking the other’s forehead that took the paralegal by surprise.

“What the heck was that for?!”

The lawyer didn’t answer. He just fumbles inside his messenger bag and when he found what he was looking for, he takes the item out and placed it on the table, confusing Baekhyun.

“What’s that?” his best friend asks.

“It’s a flash drive.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “I know a flash drive when I see one. But aren’t USB flash drives already phased out or something?”

Jongdae scoffs in return, but he’s inwardly glad his best friend’s back to his sassy self, which means he’s not faking being okay. “It’s because that one’s old. That has been sitting in my wallet for the past eleven years, and it’s your fault.”

“What does that have anything to do with me?” The other scrunches his brows as a display of confusion.

“That,” the lawyers points at the flash drive. “was from Chanyeol.” That shifted the mood to serious again, and Baekhyun fell silent.

Knowing he has to elaborate what he just disclosed further, Jongdae pressed on. “Months after your accident, he approached me. I was about to fly here to visit you that time and somehow, he knew about it. Akala ko nga pipilitin na naman akong sabihin sakanya kung nasaan ka or worse, baka magpumilit na sumama. But none of that happened.”

“Inabot n’ya lang sa’kin ‘yan at nakiusap na ibigay ko sa’yo. I told I him I can’t because I made a promise to you. He said he knows, and he understands that you wouldn’t want to hear anything about him, but he still insisted na tanggapin ko ‘yan.”

Jongdae takes the small device. “At kapag daw dumating na ang panahon na kaya mo nang marinig ang pangalan n’ya, kahit gaano katagal abutin, ibigay ko raw ‘to sa’yo.” The lawyers reaches for Baekhyun’s hand and places the keychain drive on his palm.

“Hindi ko ‘yan binuksan, Baekhyun. Wala akong ideya kung ano ang laman n’yan, but whatever it is, I know it’s important for Chanyeol. I could’ve been an ass about it, you know? I could’ve refused him, karapatan ko ‘yon at wala s’yang magagawa. Or worse, I could’ve accepted that then throw it in the trash after. He’ll never know. Pero there’s something about how he looked that day.”

Jongdae’s gaze was far away, almost like he’s recalling an event that wrenched his heart. “I don’t know. Siguro kasi kaibigan ko rin si Chanyeol, and I could easily read him. Pero Baek, no’ng inabot n’ya sa’kin ‘yan, ramdam ko ‘yung bigat. His eyes were hopeful as they were miserable. Ang pangit na combination, no? But that’s exactly how I would describe him.”

“No’ng mga oras na ‘yon, I just knew I had to keep that until the time comes na pwede ko na ibigay sa’yo. Like I’ve said, Chanyeol’s been a friend as well, and that was the least I could do for him. And now you’re telling me I could’ve given that to you years ago and it will be fine? Halos nabulok na sa bag ko ‘yan! Imbes na passport and wallet lang ang sinisigurado ko na hindi ko makakalimutan each time I’ll visit you, pati pa ‘yan.” The last part sounded more like a whine, and a whiny Jongdae is always amusing to Baekhyun, no matter the situation.

“Well, ngayon lang din naman nagkaroon ng pagkakataon na mapag-usapan ‘yung tao.” The paralegal answers. “I didn’t wanna bring his name up out of the blue.Besides, would it change anything? It’s been eleven years, sabi mo nga, at kahit pa binigay mo sa’kin ‘yan no’ng time na nakausap ko si Minsoo, that was only about six years ago. Marami na rin ang nagbago noon at lalo na ngayon. Whatever’s inside of that flash drive, hindi na ‘yon mahalaga.”

Jongdae only smiles wistfully before bringing the almost empty cup of coffee to his lips. “Hindi ka d’yan sigurado.”

  
  


Baekhyun was rummaging through his briefcase looking for an important document when he remembered he stored it in the valise he used when he met with Jongdae a month ago. Grabbing the said bag, Baekhyun opens the zipper and turns it upside down—all the contents falling on the bed soundlessly. Sorting through the messy pile of papers that were sprawled on the mattress, the paralegal sighs in relief when he finally found what he needed. 

Just as he was collecting the other items to return inside the valise, a tiny black device catches his attention. He immediately recognizes it to be the one from Chanyeol. Biting his lip, he hesitantly picks the thumb drive up and looks at it contemplatively.

After seconds that felt like minutes of pensively inspecting the small gadget, he decided to finally check its contents since his laptop is open as he was currently working from home.

Injecting the USB stick into his laptop, Baekhyun tapped on the pop-up window indicating the device was recognized by the computer. For a while, Baekhyun was lost. He initially thought that with the flash drive being old and almost phased out, it would no longer be compatible with the new laptop models. He’s wrong, obviously, as its content soon flashed on his screen.

There was only one folder and inside was a lone file, an MP4 named “ _for baekhyun”._

Baekhyun feels nervous, but before he gets overwhelmed by the anxious thoughts beginning to brew in his head, he clicks on the file.

His media player pops up, and his breath hitches when the face of the man he hasn’t seen for so long appears on the screen.

“ _Hey_.” Chanyeol’s deep voice was clearly heard through the speakers, and Baekhyun feels a slight tremble that if he’s standing, his knees would’ve probably buckled. “ _It’s currently 11:58 pm, June 26, 2026.”_

Baekhyun knew that the video must have been recorded that year based on Jongdae’s timeline, but if he didn’t know that, he’d have a hard time believing it was from 2026. The last time he saw Chanyeol was a year before that, when the taller informed him of Miyoung’s pregnancy, but the man on the screen didn’t look like the one from his memory.

The last time he’s seen his ex, the taller man was youthful and healthy even when he was already thirty-three. Chanyeol’s body was toned, halatang regular pa rin sa gym despite being busy in his career and his then upcoming wedding. He looked happy ng mga panahon na ‘yon, and the man on Baekhyun’s screen wasn’t any close to that.

Not even a year has passed mula no’ng huli silang nagkita at no’ng ni-record ang video, and nothing much should’ve changed in that short amount of time, but Chanyeol looks so different. He’s aged significantly; gone was his taut muscles—halata na pumayat ito with how the shirt he’s wearing on the video was loose on him when that used to be a tight fit. His hair was disheveled, and kahit hindi gaanong maganda ang quality ng video as it was shot in a dimly lit room that Baekhyun recognizes to be the taller’s own condo, kita pa rin ang namumutlang labi nito at mga matang wala na ang dating kislap.

Baekhyun’s heart aches. _Chanyeol, ano ang nangyari sa’yo?_

Chanyeol cleared his throat after a few seconds of silence, and that got Baekhyun’s focus back on the present. “ _Hindi ko alam kung kailan mo mapapanood ‘to, or if this will even reach you at all, but I pray that you’ll get to see this. Kahit ito man lang, makarating sa’yo.”_

The taller was seated on the edge of his bed, and Baekhyun finally noticed how there’s empty cans of beer tossed on the mattress.

“ _Ang dami ko gustong sabihin at itanong sa’yo, Baek—kung kumusta ka na, kung kumakain ka ba ng maayos, kung magaling na ba injuries mo. Gusto ko’ng manghingi ng tawad, paulit-ulit, gusto ko’ng yakapin ka at sabihin na miss na miss na kita. Pero ni isa sa mga ‘yon, hindi ko magawa.”_ Chanyeol paused as his eyes welled with unshed tears. _“How can I do any of that, when I don’t even know where you are?”_

“ _Miyoung just gave birth last week, you know. Tatay na ako, but I’m no husband. Wala eh, hindi ko kaya._ ” The taller chuckled bitterly bago yumuko—his elbows propped on his thighs as he brought his palms to cover his face.

“ _I made a mistake, Baek_.” He murmured as he moved his hands to rake through his messy hair. “ _I made a mistake,_ ” he repeated. “ _A big one.”_

“ _Not Yuan, no_ —“ Chanyeol seated up straight—his eyes reddened from discretely rubbing it earlier. “ _Yuan’s my son’s name_ ,” he cleared. “ _And he’s not the mistake I was talking about. He’s beautiful, and he’s my life’s greatest blessing. It was my foolishness, Baek. It was the wrong decisions I’ve made that messed things up._ ”

“ _When Miyoung and I started, it was nothing but physical. She knows about you, and she’s okay with that. She was also trying to move on from a cheating ex partner kaya our set-up was so convenient for the both of us. We were compatible with each other, so we tried to casually date. And then she accidentally got pregnant.”_

“ _Wala sa plano ‘yon, pero buong puso naming tinanggap. And that changed everything. You know my story, how I grew up in an incomplete family and how I promised myself that I would never let my child grow up the same way, kaya when I learned she was carrying my own flesh and blood, wala na ‘kong ibang naisip kung hindi siguraduhin na lalaki ang magiging anak namin sa isang kompletong pamilya. I immediately proposed marriage, and Miyoung, can you believe it? She tried to talk me out of it.”_

_“I never stopped loving you, Baek, and even when I thought I did, Miyoung saw through that. Kaya she tried to convince me that we shouldn’t get married if I haven’t completely moved on from you. She said we could coparent and we could still give our child all the love and support na kailangan n’ya even if we’re not together as a married couple. But I insisted._ ” Chanyeol breathed deeply and regretfully shook his head. _“I was so damn stubborn. I told her nothing is more important than giving our child a complete family and in the end, she gave in.”_

“ _I heard how broken you’ve been when you learned of the news. Sinasabi sa’kin nila Se how you were still hoping na magkabalikan tayo, and although I felt bad for you, all that was in my mind during that time was to make sure that my child would be born legitimately_.”

“ _Tinapon ko ‘yung labing-dalawang taon natin kasi sa isip ko magiging ama na ‘ko, eh. At para maging mabuting tatay, kailangan ko ring maging mabuting asawa sa ina ng magiging anak ko. Hindi pala sa lahat ng pagkakataon gano’n.”_

“ _Ang gago ko_ ,” Chanyeol cursed as few drops of hot tears finally streamed down his cheeks. “ _Ang lakas ng loob ko’ng sabihin kay Miyoung na hindi ka na mahalaga—na sila na lang dalawa ng anak ko ang magiging importante pero ang bilis pinalamon sa’kin ng mundo ‘yung mga sinabi ko. The very next day, I heard about your accident, at para akong nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig.”_

“ _Ang bilis ng karma ko, no? You have no idea how terrified I was at that moment when I thought you were gone. Our memories hit me like a freight train: the twelve years we’ve been together, the love I thought was no longer there—lahat ‘yon bumalik sa isang iglap. Hindi ako makahinga, sobrang bigat at ang nasa isip ko lang: gusto—hindi, kailangan kitang sundan.”_

“ _If not for Sehun, baka nauna pa ‘ko sa’yo sa kabilang buhay.”_ Chanyeol laughed dryly as he wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. “ _Hindi siguro sasabihin ni Jongdae sa’yo pero pinuntahan ka namin ni Sehun as soon as I found out you’re alive, pero hindi pumayag si Jongdae sabihin where you are exactly. Naiintindihan ko naman, pero ang hirap pala.”_

“ _Kasi it’s like I’ve lost you for good. I have no idea where you are. You disappeared and I had no means of getting to you no matter how much it’s killing me day by day. Jongdae distanced himself, Sehun and Jongin stopped mentioning your name, and the public moved on from you—like you never existed. But I can’t forget. I can’t move on that I had to constantly look at our pictures and the items you’ve left here to assure myself that you’re real: that the twelve years we’ve spent together wasn’t a figment of my imagination.”_

_ “I had to cancel the wedding, hindi ko kayang magpakasal when my heart’s heavy with regret for losing you and with longing for what we could’ve been if only I followed my heart. Kung hindi lang sana ako nabulag sa konsepto ko ng maayos na pamilya, just how different things will be?” _

“ _Siguro naibigay ko sa’yo ‘to_.” Baekhyun’s eyes widen when he sees Chanyeol take out a velvet box from his pocket. “ _I bought this before we took a break. I thought that separating for a while should be the last trial for us—that once we’ve fixed ourselves apart, we’d come home to each other and I’ll ask for your hand in marriage.”_ The taller opened the box and Baekhyun could see a shiny white gold band glistening.

“ _Kaso ang tanga ko. When Miyoung got pregnant, I thought there’s no turning back. I bought a different ring and proposed to a different person when it should’ve been you. And look where that brought me.”_

“ _If I’ve only been wiser, siguro tayo ulit—tayo pa rin ang magkasama. Siguro kasal na rin tayo, and we could’ve welcomed Yuan in this world together. You’d help me coparent with Miyoung, and we’ll give him two happy families instead of one. Kaso it was too late when I remembered na iba nga pala ang kompletong pamilya sa masaya.”_

“ _Sobrang dami ko’ng what ifs, Baekhyun. Pero bukod sa mga ‘yon, ang mas pumapatay sa’kin ngayon ay yung katotohanan na hindi ko man lang mapaalam sa’yo sa mga oras na ‘to na mahal kita—na mahal na mahal pa rin kita._ ” Chanyeol choked on his sobs, his grip on the velvet box was so tight that his knuckles have turned almost white. Baekhyun, who was watching intently feels his own set of tears forming as his former lover bowed down—the taller’s shoulders heaving as he obviously struggled to keep himself from breaking down further.

After minutes of dead silence, Chanyeol looked up—his tear-stricken face was now calmer as he gently took out the ring from the velvet box. “ _I’m sure this would have been a perfect fit for you, Baek, and ang sakit that I never got to see you wear this.”_

“ _I don’t know if I would still be granted the chance to give you this in the future.”_ A bittersweet smile formed on Chanyeol’s features as he twirled the silver band, his gaze on the accessory pained and longing. “ _But until the time comes that I can finally see you wearing this, sa akin na muna ‘to. At kahit hindi man dumating ang panahon na ‘yon, hayaan mo pa ring isuot ko ‘to.”_

Hindi na napigilan ni Baekhyun ang mapaiyak nang makitang isinuot ni Chanyeol ang singsing sa hinliliit nito.

“ _I’ll only stop wearing this once I’ve fully accepted that I can’t have you again in this lifetime but until then, until I’m still hoping and praying that there’s still a future for us, I’ll be wearing this as a reminder of what I had and what I’ve lost—of how beautiful we were and all the tomorrows that we could’ve had.”_

Chanyeol paused, and Baekhyun thought that he was done recording when he reached for the camera, but before the video was stopped, he looked at the lens one last time and spoke again. The taller’s words were almost in a whisper, but the smaller understood it well.

“ _I’ll wait for that, Baek, and even if a future where we can be together again never comes, it’s okay. It’s okay because I can look back and say that I’ve had you once, long ago—and those—“_ Chanyeol paused as he took a deep breath and smiled. “ _those were the best years of my life.”_

  
  


  
  


Chanyeol expertly maneuvers his sleek Benz on the hotel’s parking. He wasn’t able attend the church wedding earlier as Yuan’s commencement exercises happened to be scheduled that same morning, and Jongdae had no qualms about it. Yuan had always been Chanyeol’s priority, and he knows the father of one would never miss his son’s grade school graduation for the world.

However, what Chanyeol didn’t expect was to be delayed because of a mishap in the firm that he had to personally settle, and it seemed now that he’s late even to the reception.

Quickly fixing his tie and grabbing his phone, he hurriedly steps out of his ride and makes his way inside the building in long strides. Since he was in a hurry, he accidentally bumped into a smaller figure when he took a sharp turn in a corner hallway—the other person doing the same from the opposite direction. 

“Shit, sorry.” Chanyeol curses as he bends his knees to pick up his phone and the stranger’s things that fell to the marbled floor.

“You look like you’re in a hurry.” Chanyeol’s whole body freezes when he hears the man’s voice. “Don’t be, they delayed the start of the program. Technical issues.” The taller feels nauseous; it’s like deja vu. With that familiar voice he could recognize anywhere and his words that reminded Chanyeol of a distant memory from almost three decades back, the taller could only swallow thickly before he turned his gaze upwards—afraid that a stranger’s face would greet him—that the familiarity in the man’s voice was just his brain cruelly playing tricks on him.

But as his gaze landed on the figure standing before him, Chanyeol feels his breath taken away—his heart abnormally pounding in his chest as he stares in disbelief at the man he thought he’ll never see again.

“B-Baekhyun?” He stammers as an invisible lump forms in his throat—his eyes welling with tears the longer he stares at the person he’s prayed for day and night to meet again. Oddly, the man he called isn’t staring back at him. The smaller’s gaze is unreadable as it was fixed downwards—towards the location of his left hand where a white gold ring was wrapped around his smallest finger.

Just when Chanyeol thought he would be ignored for longer, Baekhyun trains his eyes upwards to meet with his glossy ones—a small smile now on the latter’s lips.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun regards the other, the unreadable expression on his face gone and replaced by what could the taller describe as serenity. Somehow, he could liken that to the tranquil skies after a heavy storm. And as Baekhyun spoke his next words, Chanyeol realized his analogy couldn’t have been more perfect.

“It’s been a long time. Kumusta ka na?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be an epilogue but this is technically the end.
> 
> See you on the next chapter(s).


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